What happens at a non-religious funeral?

If you've never arranged a funeral before, the not-knowing is one of the hardest parts. So here's what actually happens, step by step, when there's no religious service involved.

It usually starts with a phone call, either from your funeral director or directly from you. We arrange to meet, normally within a day or two, at your home or wherever you're most comfortable. There is no charge for that meeting and no obligation.

At that visit, you talk and I listen. I'll ask about their life, their work, their people, the daft things, the difficult things, the phrase they always said. It usually takes an hour or two, there is usually tea, and there are almost always tissues. Families often tell me afterwards that it was the first time they'd properly talked about the person since it happened.

Then I go away and write. You get the full script to read in your own time, and you change anything you want changed. Nothing gets said on the day that you haven't seen and approved.

On the day itself, a typical service runs around twenty-five to forty-five minutes, depending on the venue. The shape is usually: entrance music, a welcome, the tribute or life story, a reading or two, a piece of reflective music with space to think, the committal words, and closing music as everyone leaves.

Because there's no religious framework, none of that is fixed. There are no hymns unless you want one. There's no prayer, though we can absolutely include a quiet moment for anyone who wishes to pray privately. Music can be anything at all: a band, a recording, a single guitar, a football chant.

Family members often want to speak and then worry they won't manage it. My rule is simple: write it down, hand me a copy, and if you can't get through it on the day I'll finish it for you. Nobody has ever regretted trying.

Afterwards, I'll give you a printed copy of the full service. Families keep them for years, and people who couldn't attend often ask to read them.

If you're arranging a funeral now, take it one step at a time. Whenever you're ready, get in touch and I'll do the rest.