Baby naming ceremony ideas that aren't christenings

You want to mark the arrival of your child, gather everyone who loves them, and make some promises out loud. You just don't want a church, a font or a set of words nobody in the room believes. That's a naming ceremony, and it can be whatever you want it to be.

Start with guideparents instead of godparents. Usually two to four adults who'll be in the child's corner as they grow. Each one makes a promise in their own words, and I'll send prompts beforehand so nobody panics. "I promise to teach you every swear word your mother disapproves of" has been said at one of mine, and the room fell apart.

Parent promises work beautifully too. Not vague ones. Specific ones. To always answer the questions honestly. To never make them finish food they hate. To turn up to every single terrible school play.

A time capsule is a reliable crowd-pleaser. Everyone writes a note or a prediction on the day, it all goes into a sealed box, and it gets opened on their eighteenth birthday. Add a newspaper from the day they were born if you want to be thorough.

Plant something. A tree, a rose, a pot of bulbs if you don't have a garden. Each grandparent adds a spadeful of soil. It gives the older generation a role and it grows alongside the child.

Candles are lovely and low-effort: one central candle lit by the parents, smaller ones lit from it by grandparents, siblings and guideparents.

Give older siblings a proper job. Carrying something, saying one line, choosing a song. It's the single best way to stop a three-year-old deciding that today is the day to lie down and scream.

For readings, skip the poetry unless you love it. A page from a favourite children's book usually lands far better, and someone's nervous uncle can manage Dr Seuss.

Practical bits: keep it to twenty or thirty minutes, do it somewhere with space for children to move, and time it away from naps if you value your sanity. Gardens, function rooms, village halls and front rooms all work.

And it isn't only for babies. Adoption and fostering celebrations, blended families, and young people choosing their own name all deserve a ceremony too. Some of the most moving I've led have been for adults.